Defending Against Pirate Attack

An electric fence. This is what the IMO (UN) is recommending against pirate attack. Granted, it's better than just using fire hoses, but not much. Like a fire hose, somebody can simply point his/her automatic rifle at you and tell you to turn it off, but at least it doesn't require the crew to stand, facing the muzzles, squirting water.

It's not a terrible idea. Ships with electrified, horizontal “fences” around the hull could be difficult to board, especially combined with fire hoses and the other impotent methods by which ships are allowed to defend themselves against heavily armed attackers, like strong language and stern warnings.

What is a terrible idea is the advice for yachts: electrified lifelines.

Yeah, I know it sounds like I'm joking – I'm not.

You're supposed to electrify your lifelines (actually, you're supposed to buy them) so that unintended boarders will get a “painful shock”. Then they will presumably speed away in fear of the voodoo magic your boat possesses, rather than shoot you for causing them said painful (not debilitating or deadly) electric shock, which one would think they will recognize as not being magic, since they have lightbulbs and satphones and brains.

Rhymes with pull snit? Yes!

It's not surprising that artillery or even small arms are not allowed aboard non-military vessels. While the IMO argues the ridiculous “If you have guns, they'll bring guns” line of reasoning, it's clear that nobody wants an armed, untrained, foreign crew pulling into port. However, there are some hi-tech defensive weapons that could really come in handy if they were deployed. Systems that have been tested in the marine environment, and are in limited use today by the US military.

The systems go by several names. HERF, ADS, Silent Guardian (Raytheon), Pain Ray, etc. All are based on RADAR technology, focusing microwaves (around 95 GHz) at the target via a parabolic reflector, and heating the skin instantly and intolerably, but only to a depth of a millimeter or so. The range, in some cases hundreds of meters, is phenomenal.

Before I go on, here's a little warning: DO NOT PLAY AROUND WITH THIS STUFF. You will see idiots on YouTube tearing apart microwave ovens to get at the 1000 watt (2.4 GHz) magnetron inside and make a weapon, and you will find instructions on how to do this written by self-proclaimed anarchists. Know that these guys are now most probably sterile, and possibly blind.

In the video below, you can see the military tests performed with the device. Toward the end (about 1m 45s), you'll see it used on small boats armed with rocket launchers. Better than a firehose? I'd say so.

The technology was originally being developed as a weapon against electronic devices - the anti-personnel application seems to have been an offshoot of this. So, one would imagine that the satellite phones these guys use (and maybe their outboards if they have electronic fuel injection) would also be affected, not that they'd care, since they'd feel like their skin was on fire.

VooDoo Magic indeed!