Town Bans Whistling to Aid Sailors

Portsoy, Scotland - Officials of the port's Scottish Traditional Boat Festival have strong-armed the local government into banning whistling for an entire town. While walking to work, citizens may hum or sing, and a pretty girl may receive a verbal complement, but putting one's lips together and blowing are simply not allowed. Last year's festival saw some rotten weather, and this year, nobody's taking chances.

Famed bi-labial virtuoso Roger Whittaker has also been banned from the event, though it is uncertain whether he was planning to attend before the ban. It's assumed that after the June 20-22 festival ends, Mr Whittaker will once again be able to walk the streets of Portsoy, and entertain the town with tunes like "The Mexican Whistler," if he so chooses, but this has not been officially confirmed.

We do hope that the Scottish Traditionalists understand that if the event turns out to be wind-less, they'll need to immediately revoke the ban, and perhaps bring in puckerphilic reinforcements if completely becalmed. One would hope that the Portsoy powers-that-be have made prior arrangements with Louisburg, North Carolina, USA, the world's whistling capital, to coordinate the whistling imbalance, lest planetary weather patterns be thrown off by this attempt at climatic engineering.

-BH

photo of Portsoy by audreym